I'm with you
by bob-fred93
Summary: It's Rachel's 16th and she only has one wish she wants to make. Rated T just in case I missed something...


Inspired by I'm with you by Avril Lavigne

Rachel's POV

I'm stood on the bridge looking out onto the river just outside Lima, listening to the water under my feet. It's my 16th birthday and I've spent the day alone, except for school but to be honest I'm alone there too. My Dads called me this morning to wish me a happy birthday and to apologise that they had to be in Europe for work this month. They work away a lot so I'm used to being on my own, even on special occasions like the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas and even birthdays. I know they love me in a way but we don't speak much about feelings or what's going on in my life. I think they fell in love with the idea of having a baby and didn't think of the rest of my life after that because as soon as I got into high school they sort of lost interest. I didn't even tell them about meeting Shelby last year. I miss my mom but she has her own life and I have mine with my Dads so she told me that we should admire each other from afar, I didn't tell her how poor of a relationship my Dads and I actually have so I don't blame her for assuming that I have two parents who are there for me all the time and give me guidance. That's why she thinks I don't need her but she's my mom and should have known something was up when we met.

Every time I'm alone on a special occasion, like just now, I come to this spot to think (I come here a lot). Its peaceful and normally I can stand and just enjoy the quiet but this year I can't help but think that I could have been with Shelby now, instead of standing here in the cold and dark on my own just wishing someone would come and give me a warm hug and take me somewhere to forget all my troubles.

I lean on the railing as it gently starts to rain. I love it when it rains it's like the world is at peace and everything becomes clean and pure and innocent again. I wish I could go back and get a second try at things just like the world does every time it rains and all the dirt is washed away ready for the next day. The first thing I would change is when I met Shelby. Instead of letting her walk away thinking everything was fine and rosy I'd tell her the truth, I'd tell her I want her in my life, I'd tell her I NEED her in my life and perhaps I wouldn't be alone now thinking of all the 'what ifs'. Perhaps she would be with me, singing happy birthday and giving me special birthday cuddles. I miss her hugs, I only got the one but it was magic. When she wrapped her arms around me I felt safe and loved, and this may sound odd but her scent, it smelled like home (not my house home) but like the place I belonged. I tried everything I could to find that smell, every perfume, every body wash, every moisturiser, every lip balm but all of them were missing something. None of them quite matched Shelby, she smelled like cocoa butter and grapefruit and something uniquely Shelby.

I got a card from her. It was in my locker at school, how she knew which one was mine and got it in there I'll never know but the important thing was she gave me one. It wasn't anything spectacular, just a general happy 16th card that read "Happy Birthday Rach, can't believe your 16 already, have a great birthday. Love Shelby". I know it's just a card but it meant so much, it said that even if we weren't having the mother and daughter relationship I wanted she still remembered my birthday and cared enough to send something to let me know she thinks of me.

I ditched glee today, yeah you heard me. Goody two shoes Berry ditched the one thing in her day that she enjoys, I just couldn't face it, the lesson this week was family and I couldn't come up with a song about how happy family life is when mine is practically nonexistent. I could have picked some sad depressing song that showed how it really is but I can't let people know, I can't give the bullies any more ammo than they already have.

As I stand here I get the urge to sing. I've had the song in my head since I got here and realised it fit my situation perfectly. I'm the only person around and this road hardly gets used so it's not like anyone will hear. The intro starts for what must be the 50th time in my head and this time I hum along until the words burst out of me.

_I'm standing on a bridge  
I'm waiting in the dark  
I thought that you'd be here by now  
There's nothing but the rain  
No footsteps on the ground  
I'm listening but there's no sound  
_

I sing in a small voice thinking about how alone I really am out here on the quiet bridge at 9pm in the rain.

_Isn't anyone trying to find me?  
Won't somebody come take me home?  
_

I know it's silly but all I want is for Shelby to come find me and take me into her arms, make me feel safe, loved, home. But I know that's not going to happen, it's just my silly little girl fantasy.

_It's a damn cold night  
Trying to figure out this life  
Won't you take me by the hand?  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I... I'm with you  
I'm with you  
_

I wish I was with Shelby. I don't mean just right now but I mean on a more permanent basis. My dads don't spend lots of time in the country (never mind at home) so it's not like I'd miss anything there. I know that I don't know Shelby very well but she's my mom and every little girl needs their mom don't they? I just want her to be a part of my life.

_I'm looking for a place  
I'm searching for a face  
Is anybody here I know  
'Cause nothing's going right  
And everything's a mess  
And no one likes to be alone  
_

I look to try see her face in every crowd, every audience, every car that passes but I never do. Sometimes I think I do but then they get closer and it's not her. It's never her and I have to go back to an empty house, make myself dinner and pretend I'm not all alone here in this big world without anyone holding my hand as I go.

_Isn't anyone trying to find me?  
Won't somebody come take me home?_

_It's a damn cold night  
Trying to figure out this life  
Won't you take me by the hand?  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I... I'm with you  
I'm with you  
_

Finn broke up with me last week, he's back with Quinn now. Turns out that a shy little Jewish girl that 'won't put out' is nothing compared to a gorgeous blonde cheerleader. I can't blame him, I mean I liked him but to be honest I don't think I'm ready for that sort of step and I don't think I will be for a while.

_Oh why is everything so confusing  
Maybe I'm just out of my mind  
Yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah!  
_

AAAHHH I'm so confused, you see at my age I should be mooning over boys and hanging out with friends but all I want to do is snuggle under a blanket watching cartoons and forget the rest of the world. This is why I need my mom she could be here for me and talk to me about things like this. She should be here to do that but she's not because I let her think that my Dads were all that I need but every time I try bring up anything about feelings they change the subject to school or the latest Broadway gossip. 'If only Shelby could see that I need her help, advice and guidance and give our relationship a second chance then perhaps I would hate myself just a little less and I could be my old self again. I want my mommy.' I think as tears start to stream down my face mixing with the rain that has soaked right through my hair and clothes.

_It's a damn cold night  
Trying to figure out this life  
Won't you take me by the hand?  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I... I'm with you  
I'm with you  
_

I'm so absorbed in my thoughts and this song that I don't see or hear the car pull up behind me, or the door open, or a person approach. I don't even notice the person stood next to me until I feel a hand slip into my own. I jump and stop singing before turning to look at the person who has interrupted my alone time and found me at my weakest. I can't believe it, I must be dreaming, there's no way... The other person picks up the song where I left off before I can even finish my thought.

_Take me by the hand  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I... I'm with you  
I'm with you  
_

She smiles at me and my heart fills with joy. I must be dreaming. Before I know it I start up harmonising with her voice perfectly. I never want this to end, I never want to wake up.

_Take me by the hand  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I... I'm with you  
I'm with you  
I'm with you..._

As we sing the last note she grasps my hand tighter and I see a tear fall down her cheek and I know that from now on its going to be different. My Mommy's here and this time she's not going anywhere.

"Happy birthday baby" she says before pulling me into a hug so filled with so much hurt and regret and love and every other emotion we are both feeling. It's magical. My birthday wish has come true.


End file.
